origami hati - simplymirza

Loving The History

2007-07-24T12:53:00.000+07:00

There were time when I was being so shallow.
There were time when I look at someone only from what they have.
Time when I look at someone only from what they can do.
Time when I look at someone only fromhow it seems they can make me happy.
I was young, and i was dumb.
Things are in procces.
Forcing things to be in our way doesnt seem to be the smartest things to do.

I know how it feels now.
To fall in love with my history.
To feel longing for someone i used to avoid.

I know how it feels now.
I fall in love with you.
Just hope that you might know.

Kenapa

2007-06-14T22:04:00.001+07:00

Kenapa ya, kalau kita mencinta, justru semuanya lebih susah?
Bukannya kata 'cinta' itu harusnya lebih memudahkan?
Sepertinya sih nggak selalu gitu..

Jadi salah nggak kalau di satu waktu, kita melenceng dari cinta?
Salah nggak kalau kita memutuskan untuk 'moving on'?

Soalnya kadang 'cinta' justru bikin luka
Kalau emang kedua pihak yang harus mencinta malah saling ngejauh

Takut?
Bisa jadi itu alasannya.

Rapuh? *ini terjemahan yang bener untuk vulnerable nggak ya?*
Bisa jadi hasilnya.

Tapi kenapa ya 'moving on' dari perasaan sendiri itu susahnya bukan main

Cinta bikin orang jadi melemah?
Mungkin bener.

When Love Ends

2007-05-23T19:00:00.000+07:00

Love ends when money is involve
That is shallow

Love ends when one flesh is not enough
That is everyday

Love ends when one doesn't feel the same
The other one need to survive

Love ends when one is gone
That is life

Love ends when both sides are in love
That is tragic

--

Another new theory about love.
Written in Babyface - When Can I See You Again.

When Can I See You Again.. When Can My Heart Beat Again..

The Puzzle

2007-05-06T19:02:00.000+07:00

Angga : So how long have you've been single?
In terms of not kissing and all of those stupid shits? 5 days.
In terms of not being in actual relationship? 15 months
Angga : hmmm...

---

The tarot guy : Auramu lagi bagus-bagusnya nih , Mir. Bercahaya banget. Ini kalo kamu tebar pesona, bisa dapet pacar.
Aku nggak pengen tebar pesona. Tapi aku emang lagi kepikiran satu orang.
The tarot guy : Telpon dia lah. SMS lah paling nggak.
Takut.
The tarot guy : Aneh-aneh ae. Presentasi ke klien bisa bagus, nelpon aja kok takut.
Beda, mas. Aku sebenernya paling takut ngomongin perasaan kalau udah seneng ama orang.
The tarot guy : telpon lah. Sepertinya dia nungguin kok.
Sekarang?
The tarot guy : Setengah jam lagi. Jam 9 lah.
Takut.

---

Back To Basic

2007-04-27T20:43:00.000+07:00

Back To Basic. That's an easy phrase. Everyone knows that. And anyone can experience it.

Boredom. That actually the trigger of changing. Changing behavior, changing style, changing preference, or even changing lover. But something never change. That is what stays inside ourself. Well, one can not lie to himself all the time, right?

This what happened to me recently. I tried so many different kinds. *Dont ask!* But somehow my self nature preference always hit me back.

The luminence of a small eyes.
The crystal clear packaging.
The essence of healthy physics.
The capacity of extraordinary thought.
And...
The risk of another heart broken.

Back to Basic. Is one always hit back to his basic? Could be, eventhough many risk are involved in it.

--

Period

2007-04-01T17:21:00.001+07:00

I try
I stay
I wait
I give up

--

It's not really my time to proof
I know how to love

--

Let me see and let me feel
Just the way it should be

--

I give up.
Period.

------

Inspired by Sergio Mendez "Don't fall in love with me"
Written in rainy afternoon.

The Pattern

2007-03-24T11:07:00.000+07:00

Pernah nggak kita mikir kalau ternyata hidup ini hanyalah sekumpulan pola-pola dari hal yang kita suka aja. Banyak hal yang seolah mengulang-mengulang, sampe jadi satu hal yang ngebosenin. Sebut aja makanan, kerjaan, cinta, atau apapun itu, pasti selalu ada pola khusus dari kita.

Renald Kashali di bukunya "Recode Your DNA" menyebutkan kalau pola-pola itu, selain adalah hal-hal yang kita suka, ada hubungannya juga dengan turunan DNA yang kita punya, dan juga pengaruh lingkungan. Tapi lingkungan hanya membentuk kita sampai tahap dewasa muda. Setelah itu, besar kemungkinan ego kita yang membentuk pola-pola dalam hidup.

*Makanan
Pasti ada kesukaan dan tata cara makan yang kita nggak bisa hindari. Misalnya, suka makan pedas, harus dengan kerupuk, vegetarian, nggak bisa makan berlemak, dan lain-lain sebagainya.

*Kerjaan
Nggak begitu banyak orang yang berani lintas bidang. Begitu karirnya diawali di satu bidang, pasti kebanyakannya pola bidang itu akan berulang. Katakanlah dunia radio. Banyak sekali yang tinggal lama di dunia itu, bahkan mungkin di radio yang sama. Dunia marketing, pasti juga akan berkutat terus di bidang itu. Kalaupun beda perusahaannya, pasti item yang dijual akan kurang lebih sama.

*Cinta
Ada yang yang menyebutnya type, ada yang menyebutnya tidak sengaja berulang. Coba kita liat foto mantan-mantan pasangan kita, pasti ada satu-dua-tiga hal- atau bahkan banyak hal yang serupa tapi tak sama dari mantan-mantan kita.

----
Untuk yang terbahas terakhir tadi... Hmm, sepertinya.... history does repeat.
Baru aja sakit hati gue ilang setelah pacaran dengan orang yang satu itu, satu tahun lalu. Sepertinya tahun ini balik lagi gue jatuh cinta sama orang yang punya kualitas sama(atau mungkin lebih) dari mantan gue yang satu itu.
Beberapa persamaannya:
- Gorgeously good looking
- Perfect body type
- Sharply spoiled but try hard to look independent
- Ex Model
- Fashionable
Kelebihan yang recent ini adalah, well so far at least, dia lebih pinter dan kerjaannya lebih bagus.

Kelebihan dia langsung berasa ilang, begitu banyak hal yang keluar dari obrolan dia yang mirip seperti mantan gue, dan..... mulai sedikit mengganggu.
- Duuuh... udah mulai gendut nih
- Kok nggak tirus-tirus ya mukaku ini
- Bajuku udah nggak muat lagi
- Pengen lebih kurus, biar baju lama bisa kepake lagi.

Gak tau apakah faktor 'the pattern' ataukah memang rasa yang sebenernya...
Tapi gue masih jatuh cinta sama dia.

----------

Patern of Patern. It does existed.

Much Love Less Love

2007-03-22T17:46:00.000+07:00

Kalau perhatiin tulisan-tulisan yang muncul disini, hampir semua tentang cinta. Some people do ask whether they are real stories or just simply fictions.

The answer? They are.. as real as I wanted to think.
Some could be fiction, or just in the line of few hopes.

But talking about love, how often do we think about it? How often do we have to relate to it? How often do we have to deal with it?
Kalau buat gue sih, sering. Buat beli baju, kita pasti punya kecintaan sama model tertentu. Buat pilih mobil apa yang mau dimiliki, pasti juga punya satu pola sendiri. Buat kerja, kalau nggak cinta, pasti baru probation sudah males ngelanjut lagi.

But is Love something that we have to handle just like we handle clothings, cars, or works?
Biasanya aku bilang nggak. But somewhat.. i just dont quite sure anymore.

-----

One Long Weekend in March

Day 1 -
Waktunya memutuskan hubungan nggak jelas, dengan seseorang yang nggak jelas. Dia akan menikah. What future can you expect from that.
Last romantic moment. Dan dia berubah sedemikian rupa. Totally romantic freak. Sensitive. Caring. And all oll those stupid melancholy thing.
Gue bilang ke dia, "I dont want to see you anymore".
Nggak yakin juga sama keputusan yang ini. Dia berubah.

Day 2 -
Clubbing. Meeting an old fling.
Dulu, gue jatuh cinta dengan karakter dia. Tapi dia nggak bisa memutuskan sikap. Dan dulu, gue berekspektasi terlalu banyak. We remain friend. Walaupun memang kualitas dan kuantitas ketemu dan jalan kita nggak sebanyak biasanya. What we can I say, the relationship was in pause, if there were a relationship though.
Anyway, we met. Dan satu hal terjadi. It wasn't really meant to be. Dan hubungan kita jadi lebih aneh.

Day 3 -
A very nice date.
Nggak bisa jelasin hari yang ketiga ini. I was happy. Walaupun hanya ketemu dengan dia. Ngelakuin hal-hal yang biasanya dilakuin anak SMP kalau first date. Jalan-jalan nggak jelas. But I was really happy. The kind of person that i would want to see everyday. The kind of figure that i would drive miles away, just for a casual meeting of 5 minutes.
Gue rasa gue jatuh cinta.
Dia orang yang udah lama gue suka lihat. Hanya lihat. Gue bahkan nggak tau nama dia sampai baru-baru ini.
The thing is, i dont know whether this one i'm falling in love with now feel the same.

--------------
So, should we threat love like clothings? Harus ganti tiap hari? Atau kayak mobil yang selalu ada ban serepnya?
Dari cerita di atas, ya bisa aja seperti itu. Nggak seharusnya kayak gitu sih. Tapi itu yang lagi terjadi.

--------
Trivia : cerita di atas, kira-kira beneran atau fiksi hayoooo???
--------
Ditulis pas mau pulang kantor, sambil denger diana krall - the look of love.

Mencintai Atau Dicintai

2007-02-28T17:24:00.000+07:00

27 Februari

Selasa malam, jam setengah 8. Hp gue bunyi.

"Hai..."
Halo..
"Kamu lagi ngapain?"
Lagi ama anak-anak..
"Udah makan?"
Ini lagi mau ngerayain ulang tahun bareng-bareng sama anak sekantor. .
"O.. ya udah. Kamu jangan pernah lupa makan ya. Jangan terlalu gila kerja"
Iya. Makasih ya.
"Aku cuma pengen denger suara kamu kok"
Iya... kamu jangan sedih-sedih ya..
"Iya.."
Janji, kamu jangan sedih-sedih..
"Iya.. Ya uwis ya"
Iya.. Assalamualaikum..
"Walaikumsalam"

Itu tadi obrolan yang super singkat dengan satu orang yang punya kemungkinan besar bisa bikin gue bahagia banget. Gue memutuskan buat gak ketemu dia lagi beberapa waktu lalu. I got nuthin' to say. Gue gak cinta dia, tapi harus diakuin, gue nikmatin banget perhatian dan semua cinta dia. But again.... Gue gak cinta dia.

----

Gue pulang jam 11 malam. Nerima telpon dari sahabat gue. She said she is leaving for a job in Jakarta. *sigh* Turn out to be the job isn't really worth it enough. Relief. Bisa gempor tangan gue kalau harus ganti kartu starone dengan fren tiap malem. Though i have to say, it is always fun listening to her mumblings.

Jam setengah 12, nggak bisa tidur. Ada yang kurang. Ada yang ganjel.. *But i swear to god, i was not turned on. Hehehehe...* Akhirnya buka tas, ambil DVD yang gue pinjem dari Ivan si penyiar pagi - Jackass Number Two, dan ngabisin 1,5 jam berikutnya liat film super gak penting sambil ketawa dan sesekali nahan mual.

I felt like a truly jackass, that was why i watched Jackass.

----

28 Februari

Jam 7 pagi. Nggak sholat. Kebangun dengan satu pertanyaan. *Huh, i got fed up with my own questions actually*

"Mencintai atau Dicintai?"

Kalau dipikir-pikir, saat-saat gue paling bahagia adalah saat gue ngerasa jatuh cinta sama seseorang. Trus dari situ berkembang ekspektasi secara nggak langsung. Berharap akan dicintai juga. Tapi kadang harapan buat dicintai itu bodoh. Terakhir kali gue inget, harapan itu sempet bikin gue jatuh bangun gak karuan. Ngerasa gak oke as a person , ngerasa gak worth it buat dicintai, ngerasa a-z yang gak jelas lah pokoknya. Yang pasti terakhir kali gue mencintai, gue jadi bangkrut sih. Bodoh memang.

Dari situ mulai deh belajar buat lebih nerima cinta. Gue mungkin gak cinta, tapi gue cinta cara mereka mencinta. Huh, I thought I was smart then. Bodoh juga. Diserang sama rasa bersalah terus-terusan. Imagining the one I'm with did not deserve less than they give.

"I'm starting to believe in Karma"

Kalau aja satu waktu mereka sakit ati karena gue jadi oppurtunis dari segala perhatian mereka; satu waktu nantinya, mungkin aja gue yang ganti ngerasa sakit.

So......
Gimme answer people..
Mencintai atau Dicintai?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ditulis sambil denger lagu Nidji - Bila Aku jatuh Cinta...
...sambil menikmati karma yang sedang berjalan.

The Catastrophe Of A Release

2007-02-24T12:34:00.000+07:00

Knowing a smile which might be drawn
....is equal to....
Feeling the tears which might be fall

Seeing a perfect picture which might be created
....is equal to....
Touching the fire which might be blazed

Capturing an eye of brightness
....is equal to....
Gaining a sense of sadness

-------

Sumpah, tulisan ini keluar abis gak ada acara seru di TV! Sucks!

-------

*Sometime a need to ask needed a privilege*

What is a swinger?

2007-02-21T17:02:00.000+07:00

S W I N G E R

I asked few people about it, and these came up.

• Topan: Swing itu kan..... (sambil mengayunkan tangan). Jadi swinger itu pengayun. Atau swinger itu adiknya swike? Atau swinger adiknya hanger?
• Dego: Swinger itu... (sambil menggerakan kedua tangan yang sudah dilipat sejajar dengan bahunya). Apa itu....? Yang sayap ayam KFC itu loh...?
• Lucky: Tanya kak ipan deh... (sambil menunjuk temen yang satu lagi)
• Ivan: Gonta ganti pasangan.
• Tito: Tuker pasangan.
• Dindin: waduuh.. gak bisa bahasa Inggris… Ooo I dunno… Swing kan goyang-goyang.. ayun-ayun... yang digoyang dan yang diayun yang mana dulu nih?? Udah ah jadi ngebayangin!

So, what is swinger?
Today, my mind flashbacked to a sewing machine my mom used to have. I thought that was swinger. But I forgot. That machine’s brand is ‘Singer’ not ‘Swinger’.

• www.kamus.net : pengikut mode remaja yang giat
• www.kamus.web.id : Oops.. The keyword Swinger does not exist in our database. Don't worry! We have recorded it to be added to our database as soon as possible.
• Kamus lengkap Inggris – Indonesia, Prof. Drs. S. Wojowasito – WJS Poerwadarminta:
Swing (vb) 1. mengisap; 2. melambai; 3. mengayun; 4. menggantungkan; 5. membelok
That’ll make swinger.... 1. pengisap; 2. pelambai; 3. pengayun; penggantung; 5. pembelok?

So, again, what is swinger?

I know, you know, she knows, he knows. We just don’t talk about it. :p

------

What is Swinger?
A not so necessary stupid question, that brought a second of laughter today.

MY TWILIGHT ZONE

2007-02-18T10:30:00.000+07:00

Not knowing the real name

Not knowing the origin

Not knowing the atmosphere of the real self

But it was real

The kind of person I'd like to shake hand with

The kind of person I'd like to have conversation with

The kind of person I'd like to look up to

The kind of person I'd like to hug

But it was on the wrong footstep

Meeting the person who is unreachable

Talking to the one who is very secretive

Letting myself into a big mass of twilight zone

But it was no regret

I enjoyed the talks

I enjoyed the shares

I enjoyed the eyes

I enjoyed the embarrassment

I enjoyed the kisses

I enjoyed the hugs

I enjoyed the twilight zone

The hope

Is to know a bit more

Is to know how to connect

Is to repeat the everlasting night

Is to step out of the twilight zone

The hope is no hope

It was never meant to be a feeling

The feeling is no feeling

---------------------------------

To My Twilight Zone

I do want to.

----

*Darn it! I should have taken you to the airport!*

(doing it) For Friends and A Funeral

2006-10-30T11:00:00.000+07:00

I told u to go by the book! You just didn't want to hear me out!

"But I want to give my affection. I want to understand them more"

Do you really think they will understand you too? Do you think they care about you as much as you to them? Wake up Mirza! You do it by the book, or you do it by giving out your heart, they would just see it as if you only do it by the book

-----------
I think I go crazy. Above was like a conversation with my heart. It just bitches me out of my own good will. It doesn’t do me any good. But.. Hey.. What is so wrong by giving it all for friends. Even if that means for friends and a funeral.

MUTIARA RAMADHAN: ALHAMDULILAH.. THERE ARE VALUES IN LIFE

2006-10-03T08:35:00.000+07:00

Satu waktu di hari kedua puasa, disaat General Meeting, pas giliran harus menyampaikan progres report program department, cdma gue bunyi.

"Mas Chabib bengkel? Jam 11 siang, tumben nelpon? Ada apa ya?"

I didn't really pick up the phone. It would be rude for the meeting. Jadi gue silent aja telponnya. Dan setelahnya kejebaklah gue di rutinitas hari Senin. Sibuk. Baru keinget lagi kalau mas bengkel sempat nelpon hari itu setelah perut gue kenyang abis buka. Akhirnya, setelah tertunda lebih dari 8 jam, pas abis shalat Isya', gue telpon tukang bengkel yg baru punya anak Juli lalu itu.

"Halo mas? Tadi nelpon tah pagi-pagi? Ono opo?"

"Woe, sampeyan yak'opo kabare?"

"Yo wis ngene ae mas"

"Nggak, iki loh, aku ada mobil. Accord, silver, kondisine lumayan. Katanya mau ganti mobil wingi. Sampeyan liyat sik ae. Tukar tambah ae. Paling 10-15 juta tambahane."

Gw sempet diem bentar. Mobil tercinta gue memang rada ribet perawatannya sih.

"Ehmm.. Waduh mas Chabib, aku lagi kesusahan mas. Wingi abis sakit.."

"Loh, sik, loro opo sampeyan?"

"Ehm, pokoke ada hubungane sama pencernaan. Radang, sampe sempet ndak bisa jalan 2 hari. Kebanyaken daging, ndak pernah makan sayur.."

"Nang rumah sakit sampeyan?"

"Iyo, sempet, dokternya nyaranin operasi. 15 jutaan mas. Gak mampu aku. Lagian takut operasi. Makanya ke Sinse, alternatifan ngono. Iki wingi sebelum puasa persis selesai terapi-ne"

"Wis gak popo sampeyan?"

"Alhamdulilah mas.. Tp yo ngono, aku gak jadi ganti mobil sik. Lumayan wingi biayane. Separuhnya kalo operasi. Sorry yo mas"

"Alah mas, gak popo, sing penting sampeyan sehat sik"

Pembicaraan itu kurang lebih berakhir di situ. Agak sedih gue, niatan lebaran kali ini dengan sedikit foya-foya-in orang rumah dan mobil baru kayaknya tertunda.

Anyway, life goes on. Hectic. Kadang bikin stres. Pas puasa, kadang terasa berat, kadang kerasa cepet dengan keleluasaan pulang di jam 4 sore. Yang jelas, gue seneng banget pas tanggalan udah berubah hari ke Sabtu dan Minggu.

Di hari Minggu, pas mau siaran jam 9 pagi, gak disangka, cdma gue kasih kejutan yg lagi-lagi bisa dibilang 'kok tumben ya'. Ada sms dari mas Chabib bengkel.

‘Pagi mas? Gmn uda sembuh ta? Gini mas aq pengen maen ke rumah mas mirza,boleh ga? Trus alamatnya dimana?’

Gak nyangka, tukang bengkel gue ini bisa begitu peduli. Gue bales lah sms itu, lengkap dengan alamat rumah.

Dan…..
Senin malam, di hari ke-9 Ramadhan tahun 2006, gue bener-bener merasakan nikmatnya bulan suci ini.

Jam 7 malam, Mas Chabib, istrinya, Dahlan-anaknya yg baru 2,5 bulan, Ibunya, dan 2 keponakannya datang ke rumah. Gue persilakan masuk, dan ibu mas Chabib langsung cari nyokap gue. And, without knowing what was coming next.. Ternyata keluarga mas Chabib ngebawa sesuatu buat aku.

Kue kukus besar yang masih hangat(masih hangat bo!) dan mangga-mangga gadung yang besar.

Kunjungan overwhelming dari keluarga 'tukang bengkel'. Gue sempet bingung gimana harus bersikap. Apalagi, pas gue tau maksud tujuan mereka datang.

"Mas Mirza kan katanya baru sakit. Ini Mas chabib, ibu ama anak-anak pengen nengok mas. Agak khawatir" Yang ini diucapkan oleh sang istri, yang sumpah, gue ama dia jarang ngobrol.

Gue terharu. Gue gak pernah berpikir ternyata gue berhasil menorehkan kesan(yang tentunya gak gue sadari) yang baik di keluarga mas Chabib. And after that night, it is certain. Keluarga mereka sudah menorehkan satu hal yang luar biasa berkesan buat gue. Saat ini udah pasti, keluarga mas Chabib ADALAH keluarga gue.

Nyokap gue dengan santainya menggaris bawahi anugrah rasa yang baru kedapat malam hari itu.

"Ealah mir, apik atine keluarga iku yo. Nangdi ae koncomu sing sugih-sugih, sing mubile apik-apik pas wingi koen loro.."

Gue cuma senyum. Terharu, atas anugrah rasa yang baru gue dapat. Sadar kalau persahabatan dan persaudaraan bukan terbentuk akan materi, posisi, atau prestasi. Tapi persahabatan dan persaudaraan terbentuk dari HATI.

Terima kasih Tuhan atas HATI-Mu.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Allah tidak akan meninggalkan umatNya seorang diri. Allhamdulillah"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Duh… jadi dalem gini ya? :)

Love Between Lust

2006-08-06T19:27:00.000+07:00

It is the sweetness of betrayal
It is the unfaithful of being loyal
Is it the cause
Or... Is it the result

Do not try to look for the answer
If one is trap in love between lust

The heart is falling in love
Would it wait or would it quit

----------------------------------

The phase of unromantically side.

Lingkar Labirin Sebuah Pengharapan

2006-06-29T17:26:00.000+07:00

Berharap....
berharap dia akan tau

Berharap....
berharap dia akan mengerti

Berharap....
berharap dia akan merasa

Sebuah asa di lingkar rasa
Sebuah bisikan diantara sekian pengharapan
Sebuah celah dibalik keluh kesah
Sebuah jiwa dibalik peristiwa

Lingkar labirin sebuah pengharapan
...karena tidak ada yang suka dinomorduakan

Dua sisi mencintai tanpa ekspektasi

2006-06-27T19:19:00.000+07:00

Cinta
Satu hal yang selalu dicari

Cinta
Datangnya mengisi relung hati

Cinta
Selalu datang dengan ekspektasi

Cinta
Diharap datang tanpa rasa pilu yang semu

Cinta
Datang dengan dua sisi
Indah....
....tapi beresiko luka

Artikulasi Hati

2006-05-13T22:50:00.000+07:00

Hati tak punya mata
Tak juga punya daya raba
Ataupun hidung dan telinga

Hati hanya bisa merasa..

Kalau hati ini bicara
Tubuh tak lagi punya kuasa

Tapi hati juga tak mengerti
Ada hal-hal yang tak mungkin terjadi

Berharap dia mengerti pun.. seolah tak alami..

----------------
Untuk dia - siapapun dia, semoga kau 'mengerti'.

eksekusi arti

2006-05-11T19:01:00.000+07:00

Cerita cinta hanyalah bingkainya
Indahnya rasa hanyalah pembungkusnya
Energi luar biasa hanyalah pelapisnya

Rasa itu indah bila dinikmati berdua
Rasa itu baru terasa bila kedua sisinya berjumpa

Butuh dua hati untuk menjalani
Butuh dua pasang mata untuk menikmati
Butuh dua jiwa untuk menyelami...

...apa artinya cinta

hmmm.....

apakah bahkan kata itu masih berarti
.....bila tak memiliki?

mellowdrama

2006-04-24T19:43:00.000+07:00

Sincerity
Clarity
Honesty
Loyalty

..are simple words needed

Is it too complicated..
Or is it just not worth it

Those are only words come in the beginning
The next step would be coming from the heart
If it's not being shattered yet.

-----------------------------------
written in broken hearted songs

eksekusi sebuah arti

2006-04-13T15:24:00.000+07:00

Nafas ini telah berhenti
Tidak untuk menanti
Tidak untuk mencari
Udara yang ada hanya untuk kata mati
Tanpa harapan sejati

Rasa percaya sudah tinggal hampa
Tanpa ada satu asa

Hidup tetap dijalani
Tapi kali ini... aku yang akan pergi.

Irisan Hati

2006-03-28T14:25:00.000+07:00

Hati katanya satu
Cintanya yang mendua
Cinta katanya satu
Gairahnya yang mendua

Terkaiskah memori akan masa lalu
Kalau hati hanyalah untuk teriris sembilu

Akankah kau tinggal dengan irisan hati yang biru
Untuk masa depan yang (mungkin hanya) semu

Bilah tipis antara luka dan cinta

2006-03-22T09:28:00.000+07:00

Terkuak sudah....
Rasa tak menentu itu
Segala energi itu
Untuk suatu rasa tertentu

Rasa yang terasa semakin kuat
Di segala rintangan yang juga hebat

Juntaian harapan sudah terikat
..semoga bukan akhir yang pekat

?

2006-03-21T09:11:00.000+07:00

Aku mungkin jatuh cinta lagi.
Jangan tanya kenapa begitu cepat.
Karena semuanya sebelumnya juga tak begitu hebat.

Claustrophobia

2006-03-20T12:20:00.000+07:00

Waktu hanyalah senyawa dunia
Berdetak mengikuti perputaran sang surya

Waktu hanyalah poros detik yang berputar tanpa henti
Mengikuti longgarnya detak hati
Waktu adalah satu yang tercari
Untuk menggali satu demi satu detail memori

Waktu...
adalah sang penjawab tanpa basa basi
yang memberi eksekusi pada ekspektasi

Waktu ini...
...telah berhenti
menyudutkanku pada satu ruang..
...yang penuh dengan kenangan gamang

Ruang kosong itu yang akan menghantui
.... dengan sejuta memori (yang mungkin) tanpa arti

---------------------------------------------------
It is definite.
Love, starts with faith, lives on hope, dies in lies.

Aku mencintainya seperti desiran angin

2006-03-13T19:21:00.000+07:00

Potongan rindu itu telah tercabik
Tersayat-sayat oleh potongan fakta tak tertampik
Syair lagu cinta ini semakin pelik
Dengan hati yang penuh dengan rasa cekik

Akankah kisah ini hanya terus tersimpan
...diantara sejuta perjalanan yang rentan...

Aku mencintainya seperti desiran angin
..yang tak tau mengapa kini terasa semakin dingin..
Sayap-sayap cinta itu hanya bisa terbang
Menembus sekumpulan angin yang hanya bisa menerawang

------------------------
The old pile of words still working on its curse.
Used to be.... Love, starts with faith, lives on hope, dies in distance.
Or it could be.... Love, starts with faith, lives on hope, dies in lies.

Bilik Hati

2006-02-27T09:49:00.000+07:00

Belum lama berselang
Kisah cinta yang begitu gemilang
Kini dengan segala aral melintang
Rinduku telah tinggi menjulang

Aku yang disini sendiri
Mengisi bilik hati dengan perih
Mengisi relung hati dengan senyuman berjuta arti
Yang terlihat dan terasa saat ini..
...adalah partisi-partisi hati penuh memori

Balada Bunga

2006-02-27T09:45:00.000+07:00

Begitu banyak bunga yang ada
Berwarna warni dan berupa bentuknya
Saling bersaing memancarkan indahnya
Tapi keindahan itu akankah bertahan lama
Akankah bertahan untuk selamanya…

Mungkin tidak…

Tidak, bila bunga itu melupakan klorofilnya
..yang selama ini menyalurkannya tenaga sang surya

Tidak, bila bunga itu melupakan akarnya
..yang selama ini menyerapkan air untuknya

Tidak, bila bunga itu melupakan daun-daunnya
..yang selama ini menghirupkannya udara

Tidak juga bila bunga itu melupakan kuncupnya
..yang telah memberikan kesempatan untuk merekah
dan bersinar seperti layaknya sebuah bunga

Bunga-bunga indah yang merekah
Semoga saja selalu menghiasi wajah penuh warna
Untuk tidak menjadi layu…
…dan menjadi penghias makam dunia

322006@MW

2005-12-08T11:37:00.000+07:00

Rasa itu ada
Percaya itu terasa
Yakin itu bisa dipercaya

Tapi mengapa semua terasa pahit
Ketika satu persatu cinta seolah menjerit

Rasa itu (hampir tidak) ada
Percaya itu (makin tak) terasa
Yakin itu (seolah tak) bisa dipercaya

Satu yang termintakan
Akhir bahagia untuk masing-masing cinta

-----------------------------------------

*Untuk 'kancil' - i miss you. Untuk Tante Endang, Mbah Siti, & Mas Agus - get well soon. We'll be right here. Mirza Enzhy*

Bilah tipis kepastian

2005-05-07T15:32:00.000+07:00

Ufuk pagi menghampiri
Cerah dan tersenyum
Awan merah berangsur terang
Hantar mentari yang akan menari

Satu pagi akan terjelang
Satu hari akan terhampar
Satu jiwa akan merengsek ke jiwa lain dalam keseharian

Tapi mengapa berat terjejal
Untuk dapatkan satu bilah kepastian
Satu jiwa untuk satu jiwa tunggal

Bilah itu ada
Hanya saja terpapar tipis

Sebuah Nama Tanpa Makna

2005-04-29T14:52:00.001+07:00

Serpihan rasa menyaput jiwa
Hanya sentuhan perasaan yang hampir terasa
Kata-kata hampa yang bahkan tak dibiarkan menyapa
Membuat bunga malam semakin terasa kelam

Bisakah kurasa…
Atau hanya impian tanpa kisi nyata

Hati tercurah tanpa sisa
Tenaga hanya sesuatu untuk diisi ulang
Air mata mungkin tak lagi berharga
Mengisi kelamnya relung jiwa

Satu wajah tanpa rona
Satu tubuh tanpa jiwa
Satu nama tanpa makna

Bila tak kurasa cintanya

Rona.. Jiwa.. Makna…
Semuanya sudah tiada..
Hanya untuk merasakan serpihan perhatian..
..yang semakin tidak kasat mata

Tenderloin Steak

2005-04-14T08:02:00.000+07:00

Let's imagine this kind of steak
It's Tender
It's Juicy
It's Yummy
And it's comfy, cause it make you stuffy.

If Love is tenderloin steak.
Is there any for me?

Good Times

2005-03-30T15:10:00.000+07:00

you don'T even have to try
it comes easy for you
the way you move is so dreaming it could make me cry
go out drivin' with my friends
and by these we'll go beat up car
i'm with a lot of people then i walked away him all

good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
uuuh

i don't wanna say goodbye
down when i walked into the door
i spent a little time with you i want a little more

good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
uuuh

don't baby, way i don't have to
i want to go anywhere rightnow
he walks along, he walks along this
anywhere where you aren't baby is - sad
aaaah
just say anything

good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
good times, bad times gimme some of that
uuuh

i want those good, good good times
about those bad, bad bad times
i want those good, good, good, good times

- By this song, i found myself crushed by my own love -

Angkara Cinta

2005-03-24T14:50:00.000+07:00

Cinta..
Katanya indah
Cinta..
Katanya penuh bunga
Cinta..
Katanya surga dunia

Mungkin.
Mungkin saja.

Tapi kenapa banyak yang berbeda suara.
Katanya cinta juga bawa prahara.
Katanya cinta memberi beban rasa.
Katanya cinta hanya kata beresiko luka.

Memang.
Memang ada benarnya.

Tapi kalaupun cinta penuh luka..
Penyesalan tidak akan muncul begitu saja.
Karena karena cinta, aku bahagia.

24

2005-02-25T09:19:00.000+07:00

Februari 23, 2005, my happiest birthday ever!!! (well till now).

Quote
Ayus: Om Micha kapan pulang?? Ulang tahun ya?
Enzhy: Sayang, tutup mata dulu deh.. Jangan buka sampai aku bilang buka ya?
Mama: Wah, sesuk ulang tahun yo? Nangdi mengko mangan-mangane?
Mbak Ika: Met Ulang Tahun yo om Micha? Ditunggu Ayus, digoleki mlaku-mlaku numpak mobil-e.
Mbak Nuri: Ayuus.. kacian de elu!
Nyomi: Happy Birthday Ja.. semoga judesnya kurangan, makin dewasa & bijaksana, juga tambah sabarnya, karir lancar, cinta langgeng gak ada hambatan, & persahabatan kita selamanya!

Those were some of the greetings that stopped by in my mind about my 24th birthday. Got to admit, for a guy who doesn't celebrate it, my birthday was quite a bomb!.

It all started from the 22nd actually. Few messages came in to my cell, greet me happy birthday! Hey! My birthday wasn't until the 23th!! But, thank you to Koko, Yundang, and Astrid for sending me the earlly wish. :) Thanks also for my mom who had present me the best birthday eve dinner. Wasn't the best meal, but from her, always the greatest one.

Then, i spend the my birthday eve with my love one, who gave a lovely birthday presents in advance. A commitment. And made me 'The Lord Of The Ring'. It was a very sweet birthday eve. Thank you sayang..

Along the way, my cell phone wont stop ringing and beeping to deliver messages. A happy birthday greetings. Thanks ya Shifa and Lala, for being the very first one to greet me at the right moment - February 23rd. Afterwards, gotta admits, turning off my cell was the right thing to do... Gotta spend my time with my sweetheart. :">

The day continue by going to parahiyangan - Pandaan, for a birthday lunch along with Meity, Ivan, Kika, and DJ Eric, whose celebrate birthday in February. It was Fun! Thanks guys for being there and celebrate it with us!

When I got back to Hard Rock, gosh, i got a picture of myself, made and prepared by fellow friends from PT. SDM - a cosmetic company. Thanks guys, it really means a lot. :)

Overall, this year birthday is the one who gave me with a lot of smile. Thank You God, for giving me the best February. Thank you for giving me someone to spend my -or so callled- Valentine's day with..(well, i hope this one will last). And thank you God, for giving me a spirit and smile every other day.

Lirih Perih

2005-01-23T17:23:00.000+07:00

Pisau itu tidak setajam bayanganku
Pisau itu bahkan tidak bisa kubayangkan
Pisau itu mungkin malah tak terlihat

Tapi aku terluka
..perih..
..panas..
..tersayat..

Luka itu tak terasa dalam pikiranku
Luka itu tak juga nampak
Luka itu hanya berbisik...
....Lirih
Perih

Luruh Jiwa

2005-01-07T21:27:00.000+07:00

Merah angkasa menuruni kalbu
Tak lama lagi kegelapan meluruhi jiwa
Senja tidak lagi
Malam belum lagi menjelang
Apakah hari telah berakhir...
...mungkin..
Akankah sinaran senja menerangi
Akankah sang malam memberi titik terang
Lirih
Memanggil nama
Perih
Terasa hampa
Tanpa ada penerang jiwa

Elegi Tanpa Arti

2004-12-27T11:15:00.000+07:00

Manusia diciptakan berpasang-pasangan
Ada anak dan orang tuanya
Ada adik dan kakaknya
Ada kita dan sahabat kita
Ada kita dan orang yang kita cintai

Tapi kenapa manusia menghabiskan waktu mencari kecocokan
Bukan dari yang telah ada
Karena yang ada belum tentu yang bisa menerima
Belum tentu bisa memberi
Belum tentu memberikan kebahagiaan

Apakah pasangan-pasangan kehidupan itu selalu berdasarkan kesamarataan
Apakah pasangan-pasangan kehidupan itu selalu berdasarkan persamaan
Apakah ini apakah itu...

Lalu..
bagaimana dengan si miskin.. apakah dia harus selalu bersama dengan miskin-miskin yang lain
bagaimana dengan si bodoh.. apakah dia harus selalu bersama bodoh-bodoh yang lain
bagaimana dengan si cacat.. apakah dia harus selalu bersama cacat-cacat yang lain
bagaimana ini bagaimana itu....

Kalau saja dunia menyapa dengan hati.. bukan dengan mata yang tertutup dengan ekspektasi..
Bisa jadi pasangan kehidupan yang dicari telah ada di depan mata tanpa disadari.

Beri Aku Sayap

2004-12-21T19:37:00.000+07:00

beri aku sayap
agar aku bisa terbang
meninggalkan semuanya
mencari suatu dunia baru
dunia yang bisa menerimaku
dunia yang bisa memberiku senyuman

aku ingin terbang ke awan
agar aku bisa menenangkan hatiku
tanpa ada teman

beri aku sayap
agar aku bisa pergi dari duniaku saat ini
dunia yang penuh dengan jelaga dan air mata

By: Miracle, tercetak dalam edisi perdana CopyPaste, booklet gratis yang berisi 24 puisi, 1 cerpen, 3 prosa, dari 15 kontributor dengan nickname yang berbeda. Sebagian besar karya mereka sudah dimuat di forum.Webgaul.com.
----------------------

For some reason, what was written above, just hit me. Big time. I dont know whether this world is just too complicated for me to live in. Or is it me who is not really that simple.

Menunggu

2004-12-06T10:43:00.000+07:00

Ada Kalanya

2004-11-22T08:18:00.000+07:00

Kadang matahari bertahan, walau di musim hujan
Kadang orang tua menghukum, walau rasa sayang tak berkurang
Kadang rasa cukup tak kunjung datang, walau berkelimpahan
Kadang cinta menusuk, walau wanginya menyelubungi

Kadang...
Ada kalanya...

Selalu ada yang membuat satu senyum tertahan
Selalu ada yang merangkai cerita berawan

Kadang...
Ada kalanya juga...
Satu senyuman dibutuhkan
Bukan sebagai hasil dari suatu kebahagiaan
Tapi sebagai awal dari satu hari yang membahagiakan

Ada kalanya..

Life In Life Out

2004-11-17T09:20:00.000+07:00

Just before I close my eyes last night
My whole life and dreams flashed before my eyes
All the happiness I might have
All the bitterness I might taste
Worried...
Scared...
Petrified...

It is not the acceptance
Nor it is to deny

It is where the path leads after a soul is parting from the flesh..
Where to.. that is the question.

I just want to love.

Dear Love

2004-11-05T09:37:00.000+07:00

Dear Love,
When you knocked on my door
I feel relieve
When you whispered through my ears
I feel comfort
When you covered me the whole night
I feel safe

Dear Love,
When you're not around
I am lost

Untuk Mencinta

2004-11-04T08:40:00.000+07:00

Ingin rasanya
Bersama-sama
Sapa sang pagi
Berjalan dengan gelap malam
Nikmati waktu
Jadikannya berharga
..bersama-sama

Hanya keinginan yang sederhana

Dan...
Aku membenci diriku karena tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan
Kecuali menunggu
Untuk mencinta

Fragility

2004-11-02T19:34:00.000+07:00

I want to inhale
...there wasn't enough air
I want to exhale
...i wasn't inhaling enough
Why even to breath is a hard thing to do?

My heart is beating, but I'm not breathing

I Love You, Period.

2004-11-01T10:19:00.000+07:00

This tune is all around me.

"When can I see you again
When can my heart beat again
When can I see you again
When can I breathe once again
And when can I see you"

Babyface sang that song this morning.
A or so called perfect song, in a perfect morning.

I just wish that my body would react the same as my heart.
Why can't my heart control my body.

Love has touched my body and my soul.
It freaks me out.

Rapuh

2004-10-24T20:32:00.000+07:00

Beratnya konsekuensi yang ada
Hanya hadir di saat panggilan terakhir
Hilang...
tidak juga
Hampa...
bukan yang terasa
Sendiri...
tidak lagi
Hanya ada satu rasa yang baru
Satu rasa yang sepertinya, dulu, tak akan datang lagi
Rapuh.
Kerapuhan yang begitu indah terasa.

- - -

2004-10-17T19:13:00.000+07:00

Satu jam
Dua jam
Tiga jam
...sampai sekian jam sudah tak terasa...

Mungkin hanya diri sendiri yang merasa
Mungkin juga dia merasakan
Sepi karena sendiri
Ramai dengan memori

Aku berhenti pada satu waktu
Waktu yang membuatku tersenyum
Waktu yang telah membuatku nyaman
Waktu yang terkadang membuatku lelah
......karena bahagia..

Aku hanya ingin bersama dengan cintaku.
....as simple as that...

Momentum

2004-10-07T14:06:00.000+07:00

Hari itu aku berjalan
Tanpa ada kepastian
Seperti biasa
Bukanlah niatku
Untuk bertemu
Walaupun janji sudah disepakati
Aku ingin kembali
Tanpa harus bertemu
Dan.. Mengenal

Takut...

Bila yang kurasa hanya harapan hampa
Aku ingin lari
Sebelum ini semakin menjadi

Tapi...

Hatiku menjalankan tubuhku
Menggerakkan hariku
Mengisi benakku

Sejuk...

Itu yang kurasa..
Aku jatuh cinta

Thank You

2004-09-30T11:06:00.000+07:00

The days gaze at the bright space
Looking at the eyes of surprise
Simply feel the chill and be thrilled
I am flying over the feeling
A simple feeling, hope that is not fading.

Thank You.
*Untuk Dia, yang selalu menjawab doa*

Heart to be followed?

2004-09-22T10:21:00.000+07:00

People Says Follow Your Heart
It Will Not Spoken
But It Will Give An Enormous Sign
Will One Believe It
Will One Choose Not To Believe It
I chose not to
And I Am sorry not to

No

2004-09-10T10:08:00.001+07:00

---------------------------
No soul
No hope
No spirit
No heart beat
Plain
Nothing

Stay?
Why?
Should?
Only a question
A matter of time

---------------------------

No Life
Maybe
No Butterflies
Could be
No Flowers
I dont like flowers anyway
No-thing
Says who?

Staying?
Un-answered
For Now
Maybe not tommorow.

---------------------------

...

2004-09-06T20:51:00.000+07:00

Detak jantung berjalan menyusuri malam
Menghitung langkah dalam kegelapan
Mencari satu titik untuk berpijak
Yang kini terasa bergetar

Apakah ada rona jiwa yang tersisa
Dalam kegelapan yang semakin terang
Dalam kesunyian yang semakin keras
Hanya angin yang membelai dengan lembut
Walaupun desiran itu tak bergeming untuk ucapkan kepastian.

Annual Leave – Last Day Of August 2004

2004-09-01T15:23:00.000+07:00

Wow.. I had a blast at the last day of August.

One is for chance of sleeping in until 7 am. That’s like a very rare morning call for me. Considering that I usually got myself up at 6. An hour extra is totally meaningful.

Two is for dressing up in my new shirt. It’s white and it looks gorgeous on me. Yesterday I met up with NORTH, a new boys band from down under. Didn’t really know what to expect, but I did my research, so I was pretty sure that the all day interview would work out just fine.

Three is for meeting up North. Thanh, Scott, Beau, and Alf(too bad for being not well all day) was quite nice. Even if people might call them as another boy band, but I think what they’ve done to reach what they’ve been dreaming of is worth to learn. Wanna know North? Check www.northofficial.com.

Four is for meeting DT, a gorgeous one from the famous past. Could only have a few words and a quietly peek. I just simply admire this figure.

Five is for meeting and spent (almost) the rest of the night with The-Hug. Being with, is a bless. Affection in a mysterious way. No words needed. Simply touch by the atmosphere. I could’ve stayed. Just that, there were no love. No chemistry. I left. Love Oh Love.. When shall thy come…

Anti Ecstasy

2004-08-29T07:00:00.000+07:00

The sky above was a clear horizon
Even in the dark

The dancing light moved so fast
And so did I

The sweat was dripping down
While the music was beating up

I was as light as a feather
Kissing the air and touch the breeze

It was scary and blury
But yet, i felt the glory

Ahhh... it is too similar with being in love to someone.

A Threat

2004-08-27T10:43:00.000+07:00

When being friendly is considered a threat
You smile
You shake hands
You share words
You share thoughts
Basically being a friend
Without any other intention
And guess what, u're a threat
What would you do?

Compiling Histories

2004-08-20T17:25:00.000+07:00

To compile a history,
Is never easy.
Good one is a treasury.
The other one could be a misery.
But it's a history.
To compile a history,
drives me weary.
No matter what kind of memory.
It's a part of me.

Untuk Bapak. Yang selalu jadi idolaku.
Sedikitnya dirimu, selalu mengisi hariku.

Home Is Where The Angel Stay To Comfort

2004-08-16T13:25:00.000+07:00

Have you ever ask yourself, for whom is it that you do the things you do everyday? Yes, we could have answer it with ‘ for ourself’. I know I would. But last weekend, Something came up, and completely change my own answer.

My deary mother was at the mall with my sis. They went out for a movie. I was suppose to pick them up. Not something that I do it in a regular base. But I did. As I waited for them to finish the movie, I was window shopping to this Ahlete’s Foot. Normally, I would pick up which one is it that suit me the best. Or, which one is it that I could give to my flirt or so called lover. I did think that way also. But as my eyes were captured by this cute little red fitness sneakers, I said to myself, this’ll look good on my mom at her aerobic session. And, so, as soon as she called and told me that she was done with the movie, I rushed her to try on the sneakers. I didn’t take no as an answer. I got her the red sneakers. Her eyes were smiling. I was home happy.

Later on that nite, since that was Saturday, I went out to Colors with some buds, and meet up the others for an event that Hard Rock had. We were partying. Not the wildest. But, it was hard enough. I didn’t come home that nite. Crashed in my best bud’s. When I came home, I was told that my mom just got back from ‘gerak jalan’, and find a glorious moment with her gank. They were asking, how could she end up with the red sneakers, the happening red sneakers. She felt like a trend setter, I guess. Moreover on the story, she told me that she was also quite occupied in answering her friends questions about my TV talkshow with Miss Universe just the nite before. Her Eyes were smiling. I was home happy.

After a short break, I find myself preparing for a weekend job. Being a host of a two hours even that my ‘campus’ held in the mall. I don’t feel like hangout that nite. So, I went home directly, with a quick stop by at the tukang terang bulan. My mom loves terang bulan. I got her the special one. Well, It was only a ‘terang bulan’. But again, Her Eyes were smiling. I was home happy.

O well, it wasn’t the most glorious weekend. But I’m so glad I find the real answer. If anyone ask: for whom is it that I do the things I do everyday, I would definitely answer it 'for HOME'. Cause in my Home, my Angel’s eyes will smile to give me the comfort. And I feel comfort just by comforting her.

Home

2004-08-13T20:01:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, I had a blast day. Really. Well, I started early as usual. 7 o'clock at the office. But hay, i left early. 13.00, and I was home. Prepare everything to be on a date with Jeniffer Hawkins, the gal who actually got the universe crown this year. So, I put up a light grey shirt, and a match tie for that, which I ended up not using also. Telkom, the sponsor wants me to use their shirt instead. But there I finally met her at 3. The woman whom a lot of people named her as the most beautiful woman this year. It was a full 20 minutes interview, covered by a local TV. She was beautiful, nice, and friendly. Eventhough, at the end of the chat, i feel that Amelia Vega - Miss Universe also whom I met last year - is a lot nicer. Felt like Amelia has more inner beauty.

Huh! Enough with the beauty talk. After a glossy afternoon, I spend a bit time with sum crowds. A Crowd where I enjoyed so much, eventhough sometime I feel that I dont quite know how to fit in there. Anw, just before 8 pm, I was back at the Hard Rock. Meeting some friends. Chat a while, and got my soul stolen. For no reason why, i lost my energy. I knew that i still wanna go hang out.. felt like I have no one to go home to. :) And So.. I went home, with an empty mind and soul. Thankfully, I woke up fully charge & fresh in the morning.

Home. But Am I Really Home. Home Is Where The Heart Is.

Back To Life

2004-08-11T08:38:00.000+07:00

Gotta admit. I was pretty occupied with myself lately. Not in a good way, but in -point of no return- way. At one period, i just felt that empty. My life is colorful, am single and fabulous(I think), but it was just empty. I couldn't even find one thing to write, from many things that had happened. But y'know what, i am back. And I will share more of my enormous inner here. Well, at least trying to anyway.

Working life, getting more and more excited. In a lot of ways. Knowing my self from within is never easy. Or so I thought and still think. But, it was just a part of life. Discovering that sometime we just have to be versatile. In Respons-ible and respons-able.

Love Life? Love has been kind to me. At least it gave me a sting of feeling every now and then. One person come after another. Never really gone that far. But each one of them have a separate room within. The romantic one, the fool one, the weird one, the -looking for sex- one, the misterious one, and the denial one(well, got this one a lot). I still haven found what I'm looking for though. A partner for a complete soul and mind. Huh! I guess that wouldn't be easy.

The Friendship is happening. Never had that much of a real crowd. But I have them. A real one.
Still, what i have for the closest ones around daily is merely a real friendship one. Hey, that is just life. Gotta pick one sometime. A friendship or a Netship.

This is my footprints on back to life, August 11, 2004.

Time Is Priceless

2004-08-03T19:43:00.000+07:00

24 by 60 is never enough .
Work, play, sleep, and eat.
Sometime we just never get enough.
Try to get sick.
When the clock stop at your very own time.
When you have all the time needed.
But you just dont have the energy.
That's where it feels time is priceless.
Cause time its priceless, You dont want it turns useless.

My Friends & I

2004-07-28T20:58:00.000+07:00

Siaran

2004-07-28T20:53:00.000+07:00

The End

2004-07-15T08:40:00.000+07:00

I know my time will come.
I just dont know that it's coming this soon.
Where expectation only means symphaty.
Where a journey only walks on the path of a treadmill.
Where a star only lights as a glow on the dark thing.
I am breathing.
I am laughing.
I am cheering.
But I have lost the soul.
I am dead.

The Truman Show

2004-07-15T08:35:00.000+07:00

My name is Truman.

Things are not what they seem to me.
The friends are actors.
The home is a set.
The Sky is artificial.
The sea made from the tears.
I am dead.
The greetings are lame.
And oh.. in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

They say

2004-06-25T16:08:00.000+07:00

Well, they say it would not change, if one being itself
They said, they wouldn't left
They said, they wouldn't be deaf
They said, they will understand.

Well, you know what, they just dont do what they said they will do.

2004-06-19T10:27:00.000+07:00

Jangan sembarang menyepelekan kata pembantu!

The Lesson I learned, the word 'assistant'(gitu kan bahasa kerennya) could be a killing word! Untuk mendapat posisi 'pembantu', seseorang benar-benar bisa membunuh. Bisa mengucapkan kata yang disadari atau tidak menyakiti hati orang lain. Bisa menyebar kebohongan. Bisa mempropagandakan sesuatu yang tidak benar. Scary! Memang sih tergantung pembantu macam apa yang diperebutkan. Mulai dari Pembantu Gubernur (or so called Wakil), pembantu Presiden (or so called wapres), sampai pembantu rumah tangga bule(or so called TKI - TKW), banyak hal 'nista' yang dilakukan.

The Question is one. How low can u go to be one.

2004-06-09T09:02:00.000+07:00

LOVE FOOLOSOPHY

The feeling is growing. But where is the path leading?

(-) 8:47 am 24 MAY 04
Met pagi! gmn tidurnya smalem? kesampean kan punya tidur berkualitas? niy dah d kantor yak? well have a nice day deh... c u soon!

(-) 10:57 pm 25 MAY 04
yeah, honestly that's so weird! But it's gonna be even more weird because i feel the same thing! i miss u too!

(-) 1:32 am 29 MAY 04
thankz a bunch for taking me home yah! udah di kamar lagi kan niy? iya niy badanku agak nggak enak but i already took some medicine.. hope i'll be okay!

(+) 2:42 pm 29 MAY 04
....When u say u love me, do u know how i love u?....

(-) 5:31 pm 29 MAY 04
kok tadi malem aku sms gak d bales siy.. tadi sama mama pergi kmana?

(+) 11:41 pm 29 MAY 04
Well, believe me u will if u keep telling ur mind that your feeling is right but he is not putting u as his first priority, u can overcome it sooner or later and i am always ready for ur hard time

(-) 4:49 pm 2 JUNE 04
bo'ong deng! aku jadi kangen kok sama kamu!

(-) 5:17 pm 2 JUNE 04
no replies yak? ..dan hatiku tersisa sini, bahagianya bila ada kamu.. takkan habis - shanty

(-) 5:17 pm 4 JUNE 04
deu, abis ciuman ampe pagi ya mas?! sama sapa tuuww?! btw, thx 4 shantynya!

(-) 9:26 pm 4 JUNE 04
Being truth, that's on my mind now.. I still don't think that it's gonna work..

(-) 12:40 am 7 JUNE 04
aku tadi sholat dan di salah satu doaku, aku minta supaya Allah tetep ngijinin kamu jd temenku.. setidaknya untuk berbagi cerita..sebagai pengangkat beban..

(-) 5:05 pm 8 JUNE 04
kangen.

(-) 10:47 pm 8 JUNE 04
penjelasan selanjutnya bikin kamu tambah sakit.. jd aku gak tau musti ngapain krn aku sayang sama kamu! in different way.. aku gak mau kamu sakit..

(-) 10:54 pm 8 JUNE 04
U know people around me! inside my heart i'm curious of their lifes. And because i'm not sure that i'm not one of them.. gw cuma pengen tau aja...

(-) 10:59 pm 8 JUNE 04
karna gw ngrasa nyaman dgn flitingan loe waktu itu. Jujur gw deg2an! wah gw jatuh cinta neh! tp pas qta make out, gw gak bisa mangkir gw byngin m.o ama orang lain!

(-) 11:03 pm 8 JUNE 04
kamu puas? kamu puas bikin aku makin takut kehilangan kamu? tell me! reply!

(-) 11:115 pm 8 JUNE 04
kamu benci aku? aku emang pantes kamu benci.. from the beginning i've told u that i'm a jerk! cuman asal kamu tau klo slamanya aku akan selalu sayang sama kamu!

(-) 11:17 pm 8 JUNE 04
slamet malem, cha.. makasih udah nemenin aku slama ini..

(-) 11:34 pm 8 JUNE 04
Give me some reply please. Let me know apapun yang ada di kepalamu dan di hatimu. Please. Jangan bikin aku bingung.

Just when we think we are in something called relationship. All over sudden, confussion come along. Those messages up there are from two persons. One is the one I think I fallin to. The other is from a concern friend.

2004-06-04T15:01:00.000+07:00

The Lips were unsealed
The hugs was very real
The touch is to reveal
The truly longing feeling has been healed

It was just beautiful
It was just sweet
It made me happy

Just dont break my heart by telling me that it was a mistake
Was it a mistake when we're happy of what we were doing?

2004-06-01T12:50:00.000+07:00

Josh Groban in one of his song says:
...When u say you love me, do you know how I love you....?

Well, darling, you dont have to say that you love me..
Just feel how I love you.
The feeling is real.

2004-05-27T07:23:00.000+07:00

Engkau seperti kekasihku yang dulu, sungguh hadirmu menyejukkan risau jiwaku

Seperti Kekasihku - Padi

What is right, what is wrong
What is light, what is strong
For some reasons, we can't choose the one we love
For some reasons, we can't be with the one we fall
If only it's the regular feeling, to a regular figure
None of these would happen

My dear rascal
What I feel is real
What is unsealed, is an unfinished deal

I want it to be real
I want it to be a real deal
But what is right is not always be what is strong

2004-05-24T08:34:00.000+07:00

A Crush..?

Just when I thought that crush stop knocking on my door, it came along a new one. Well, it's not acctually a such new person, but I didn't expect to feel like that to this one, in a time and place where I could have such chemistry. I dont know whether the cupid has shot me the right feeling, but I do enjoy the chemistry. For, now, I would wait for the chemistry to grow. Is it growing? Beats me.

God plays his role in a very misterious way.

2004-05-21T15:07:00.000+07:00

Love is a regular thing
It comes every now and then
Just when we think that we have the feeling
It came near or it ran

Depends..
Depends on who are we falling in to
Is it scary when someone fall in for us
Is it really nice when we are fall in for someone

Depends..
Really really depends..

2004-05-20T10:43:00.000+07:00

Memang salahku yang tak pernah bisa meninggalkan dirinya tuk bersama kamu.
Walau 'tuk trus bersama, kan ada hati yang kan terluka..

Aku Cinta Kau dan Dia - Ahmad Dhani

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5

Aku hanya lelaki yang ingin dicintai
Dengan sepenuh hati
Bukan untuk kau lukai..

Sudahlah - Julliete

2004-05-17T19:17:00.000+07:00

It isn't easy to leave
It isn't easy to stay
It isn't easy to say
It's a burden to keep in silent

To share the dreams
To share the smile
To share the laughter
To share th joy
Together ease the pain
To live as one
free and gladly

Simple wish
Simple expectation
Simple dream
Simple life?

2004-05-11T08:37:00.000+07:00

My dear stranger,
U make me feel brand new.
In a such way that I could stop doing what i'm doing.
In a way that I just can't stop myself to think.
In a pretty sure way that I have to stop loving.

My dear stranger,
I want us to be closer,
and no longer to be stranger.
But what I want could cost anger.

Leaving is probably the most relieving.

Stranger, I do fall in love with u.
But I just dont know how to define it.

2004-05-08T11:25:00.000+07:00

A senseless kind of person.
Feel like no need of kiss.
Feel like not to be kissed.
Feel like no need of hug.
Feel like not to be hugged.
Feel like no need of anything.
Feel like not getting anything.

Is it true that one could end up senseless.
Or just dont want the feeling to be involved.

2004-05-02T12:54:00.000+07:00

This kinda stupid.
Really.
Have u ever wake up from your 3 hours of sleep,
finding out your tears just flooding up your pillow..
and you just can't stop tearing.
You actually dont feel any sadness.
Don't feel any pain.
Don't really know what's going on.
Don't have a clue was there any nightmare..
Considering your life is okay,
and there is no such thing that you can call a problemo.
You just sit there.. tearing and thinking.
What the f*#* is going on??!!??

I don't do tears.
I don't do whine.
I just don't do tears.
But it happened.
And I couldn't stop it.

What is it about?

(sigh) am I missing someone?
(sigh) I dont have that love.
(sigh) I am not even sure whether I need one.
I simply miss the thouch.
The real thouch of the real love.
In which I just can't help myself to deny.

Please, get this kind of love away from me.

written by the melancholy side of me

2004-04-30T08:23:00.000+07:00

For no reason why, this morning I remember bout my one of my best friend. D is her name. She's quite fun, smart, and warm. That why I love to hang around her so much. Y'know, one day, I was at her place. She said she wanted to show me something. D said, she would show me her precious one. I thought, she was going to introduce me to her boy friend or show me a pic of him. But then again, she wanted me to follow her to her room. And guess what guys.. there was a baby there. Her baby. A cute one. She was married (and still is though), but no one knows about that. It shocked me up at that time.

That leads me on to my question this morning. What is the best shock that u ever discovered about your best friend? Tell me guys.

2004-04-28T08:26:00.000+07:00

To deny what is not true, easy.
To deny what is a part true, not so easy.
To deny what is could be true, really not so easy.
To deny what is true, brings u uneasy.

But, they say life is about choice.
Just choose and make no noise.

But to deny what is inside doesnt feel right.
Not denying it, make your heart strangled tight.

Dear stranger.
U dont pull the trigger.
I dont pull the trigger.
No one to blame.
Nothing to be ashame.

If it's a no go.
Then one shall not go.

Dear stranger, I'm falling for you, but it is a decision I made to do the best I could, to deny it.

2004-04-26T09:07:00.000+07:00

A true friend, hard to find.
The one that’ll make our days shine.
The one that’ll make the atmosphere fun.
The sincere one.

But, Friends is a lot of kind.
Good one or deceive one.
Hope that u get the good one.
Hope that u’re not the deceive one.

But life could be the unkind.
Motives could turns the fine.
That’ll stab your heart u from behind.
That’ll wipe away your shine.

This one goes for my friends, good one - deceive one, and myself.

2004-04-23T08:14:00.000+07:00

Good Morning!

Gee, it's been a while since I the last time I find something to share on in this page. Anw, Right now, i only have a question. What is it that you are afraid to lose?
Feed me back your comment guys!!

2004-04-21T06:49:00.000+07:00

As Robbie says these....:

Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms, Keep me safe from harm, In pouring rain.
Give me endless summer, Lord I fear the cold, Feel I'm getting old, Before my time
As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain, Lord I'm doing all I can, To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience, 'Cause it's not my fault, I know I've been taught, To take the blame
Rest assured my angels, Will catch my tears, Walk me out of here, I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain, Lord I'm doing all I can, To be a better man

Once you've found that lover, You're homeward bound, Love is all around, Love is all around
I know some have fallen, On stony ground, But Love is all around

Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms, Keep me safe from harm, In pouring rain
Give me endless summer, Lord I fear the cold, Feel I'm getting old, Before my time
As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain, Lord I'm doin' all I can, To be a better man

I lost my trust in love.

2004-04-19T08:09:00.000+07:00

"You Want The Truth? You Can't Handle The Truth!"
Jack Nicholson as Colonel Jessup in 'A Few Good Men'. 1992.

Kadang-kadang memang kebenaran nggak bisa jadi kebenaran ya. Apalagi kalau dilengkapi sama rasa takut dari efek kebenaran itu sendiri. Cuman, kenapa ya banyak yang bilang 'be yourself', sementara nggak bener-bener banyak yang mau jadi dirinya sendiri. Harus 'hidup'. Itu mungkin alasan yang masuk akal. Geee, it'll be such a pain in the ass, if we have to make everybody's happy.

You cannot change the truth, but the truth can change you. I hope not though.
For my friends, I just luv the friendships. The truth is out there.

2004-04-16T08:44:00.000+07:00

Why can't a blue, be a blue.
Sometimes when we look at one perspective, we might capture the wrong one.
Sometimes when we sense one feeling, we might sense the wrong one.
Sometimes when we think we know one thing, we might not.

Sometimes we even have to let ourself trapped in a room that we don't wanna be in.
Why can't a blue, be a blue.
Tell me.

2004-04-13T07:53:00.000+07:00

Wortel Vs. Ayam

x: Jadi nyo, gue tadi ke giant.
y: Makan apa lu?
x: Noodle-nodle-an gitu. Asian noodle or sumthing.
y: Gak enak kan disitu?
x: Gak papa kok. Makanan gue abis. Jarang-jarang gitu makanan gue abis. Tapi tadi gue juga pesen jus wortel.
y: Jus wortel ya?
x: Iya. Mister wortel kata anak-anak.
y: Ja, kalo menurut gue yah, elu tuh ayam deh, bukan wortel. Kemana-mana kan elu pesen ayam.
x: Iya ya? Tapi gak tau ya nyo, akhir-akhir ini kalo keluar ama anak-anak gue sering ditemuin ama wortel. Dulu-dulu, pas jaman sma - smp, gue emang suka wortel. Pas jalan ama anak-anak, wortel is on the menu. Karena ada ya gue pesen aja. Enak juga rasanya.

Wortel Or Ayam.
Life is about Choices.
I chose, and it's not gonna be an easy decision to live with.

2004-04-11T13:51:00.000+07:00

If Life is so short,
I would be with my love one.

If Life is so short,
I would be be a total moron who oppose all the world thoughts.

If Life is so short,
I would be a total me.

Just if.
What if not.

2004-04-08T16:09:00.000+07:00

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free, Is that sex for money usually costs a lot less!
Brendan Francis

Fellas, saya lagi butuuh banget hasil survey atas perilaku seks. Particularly, tentang perilaku seks di Indo. Tapi kalau punya data tentang perilaku seks yang secara global di dunia, juga boleh. Pls do submit to my email ya.. sayamirza@hotmail.com, atau mirza@hardrockfm.com.

Thanks a lot fellas!! :)

2004-04-07T18:54:00.000+07:00

Love, starts with faith, lives on hope, and dies in distance.

So r u starting to believe that there's no future between us? Don't be so pessimistic dear, it's us that are in r'ship not her. Beneran deh, selama ada cinta.
(6:02 pm 30 JAN 03)

Hey, sorry to disturb u, but i just would like u to know, that i really want u 2 be at my side. Miss ur smile. laughter and kisses.
(1:36 am 8 FEB 03)

I do care much about u dear. Kamu gak bertepuk sebelah tangan lo. Just want to let u know. Mwah. Nite hun. I'm convinced now that u r the 1.
(10:49 pm 24 FEB 03)

Nite hun, may the stars watch u when u r sleeping.
(12:03 am 26 FEB 03)

Gosh, i miss u already. U've made believe in long distance relationship.
(11:35 pm 25 MAR 03)

Thx huney, life sux without u. Hehe luv ya.
(2:56 pm 4 APR 03)

Thanks 4 being u hun. Berkat kamu aku gak bt lg. Gosh. Love u more by each day. Btw td aku ngucapin 'assalamualaikum' ke calon mertua. Hehe.
(10:14 pm 14 APR 03)

You should know that i love u so much.
(7:02 pm 21 APR 03)

Kira2 seminggu lalu, we were making out. I miss u. And by heavens I love U so much.
(12:11 am 25 APR 03)

Darling, honey. Aku cuma kesel aja gitu. Tapi tidak lagi. I really appreciate all the things u've done to me. I believe in u and ur love. I love you, sunshine. .
(2:28 1 MAY 03)

I feel guilty though. Prolly 'coz i've never given u anything in return. All i could give 2 u now is my undying love. I love you so much.
(5:09 pm 1 MAY 03)

I love u, as u may have known i HAD doubts abt ldr. But i'm ready to make the commitments required to make us real. I love u. Really Do. Mwah.
(12:20 am 31 MAY 03)

Doesn't matter who sent message to who. What really count is the feeling was mutual and real.

Happy Birthday dear. U were the one. Really.

2004-04-07T08:09:00.000+07:00

WORD UP

agnostic *
*= got it yesterday on ym! chat with utin, my -now married- 'history'.

Definisi www.kamus.web.id, agnostic = tidak percaya pada tuhan / takhyul, kecuali barang yang tampak.
Definisi utin, the girl who spelled it out, agnostic = percaya sama tuhan, tapi nggak terlalu ribet dengan prosesi, atau kepercayaan tertentu.

2004-04-06T19:25:00.000+07:00

Because of life is too short...

Early when I started my day, Movic -one of my campus bud- gave me a call. He said one of our friend passed away in a car accident. Eggy, that was his name. A friend, and a son of my favorite english teacher back in high school. Such a tragic. Considering he was only 20.

I took-off some of my working hours to greet him a good bye. Honestly, I don't really know him that well, but he surely sent me a message. A question to be answered in a lot of ways. Depends on who's answering.

Because life is too short... What do you want to..(be/do/have/build/or almost any verb that going with 'what') ?

2004-04-05T19:45:00.000+07:00

NEVER LIE IS THE BIGGEST LIE.

PEMILU. Well, need no comment there, right? I gave my shot, not knowing it was really the right one, but at least I gave it with my heart.
I voted with my fam, plus.... my little 4 years old nephew. He was such a cutie. He even had his finger marked, just to show to my other nephew home, that he also took the election. Gosh, having a kid, -maybe- not really a bad idea at all. But I hate the idea of having to marry someone. :D

Anyway, gotta be honest, I lied couple of times today. Wasn't really my favorite thing to do. But, hey, like or not, no one has a pure clean white sheet in their life.

As usual, my day is colored with stupid love thought. As I heard Fiona Apple's 'Accross The Universe', my mind flew away to my last year's 6 months of long distance relationship. Sariyo', my friend, send me mesaage, telling me long distance sucks. It is true. But it gave me a precoius, meaningfull 6 months.

Long distance love - sucks - but be true - in long distance - every kiss, every hug, every word, has more meaning.

I miss the love, dear history.

2004-04-04T20:21:00.000+07:00

Life is like a rollercoaster. It gets your heart beaten fast, every now and then.