Mencintai Atau Dicintai

27 Februari

Selasa malam, jam setengah 8. Hp gue bunyi.

"Hai..."
Halo..
"Kamu lagi ngapain?"
Lagi ama anak-anak..
"Udah makan?"
Ini lagi mau ngerayain ulang tahun bareng-bareng sama anak sekantor. .
"O.. ya udah. Kamu jangan pernah lupa makan ya. Jangan terlalu gila kerja"
Iya. Makasih ya.
"Aku cuma pengen denger suara kamu kok"
Iya... kamu jangan sedih-sedih ya..
"Iya.."
Janji, kamu jangan sedih-sedih..
"Iya.. Ya uwis ya"
Iya.. Assalamualaikum..
"Walaikumsalam"

Itu tadi obrolan yang super singkat dengan satu orang yang punya kemungkinan besar bisa bikin gue bahagia banget. Gue memutuskan buat gak ketemu dia lagi beberapa waktu lalu. I got nuthin' to say. Gue gak cinta dia, tapi harus diakuin, gue nikmatin banget perhatian dan semua cinta dia. But again.... Gue gak cinta dia.

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Gue pulang jam 11 malam. Nerima telpon dari sahabat gue. She said she is leaving for a job in Jakarta. *sigh* Turn out to be the job isn't really worth it enough. Relief. Bisa gempor tangan gue kalau harus ganti kartu starone dengan fren tiap malem. Though i have to say, it is always fun listening to her mumblings.

Jam setengah 12, nggak bisa tidur. Ada yang kurang. Ada yang ganjel.. *But i swear to god, i was not turned on. Hehehehe...* Akhirnya buka tas, ambil DVD yang gue pinjem dari Ivan si penyiar pagi - Jackass Number Two, dan ngabisin 1,5 jam berikutnya liat film super gak penting sambil ketawa dan sesekali nahan mual.

I felt like a truly jackass, that was why i watched Jackass.

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28 Februari

Jam 7 pagi. Nggak sholat. Kebangun dengan satu pertanyaan. *Huh, i got fed up with my own questions actually*

"Mencintai atau Dicintai?"

Kalau dipikir-pikir, saat-saat gue paling bahagia adalah saat gue ngerasa jatuh cinta sama seseorang. Trus dari situ berkembang ekspektasi secara nggak langsung. Berharap akan dicintai juga. Tapi kadang harapan buat dicintai itu bodoh. Terakhir kali gue inget, harapan itu sempet bikin gue jatuh bangun gak karuan. Ngerasa gak oke as a person , ngerasa gak worth it buat dicintai, ngerasa a-z yang gak jelas lah pokoknya. Yang pasti terakhir kali gue mencintai, gue jadi bangkrut sih. Bodoh memang.

Dari situ mulai deh belajar buat lebih nerima cinta. Gue mungkin gak cinta, tapi gue cinta cara mereka mencinta. Huh, I thought I was smart then. Bodoh juga. Diserang sama rasa bersalah terus-terusan. Imagining the one I'm with did not deserve less than they give.

"I'm starting to believe in Karma"

Kalau aja satu waktu mereka sakit ati karena gue jadi oppurtunis dari segala perhatian mereka; satu waktu nantinya, mungkin aja gue yang ganti ngerasa sakit.

So......
Gimme answer people..
Mencintai atau Dicintai?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Ditulis sambil denger lagu Nidji - Bila Aku jatuh Cinta...
...sambil menikmati karma yang sedang berjalan.

The Catastrophe Of A Release

Knowing a smile which might be drawn
....is equal to....
Feeling the tears which might be fall

Seeing a perfect picture which might be created
....is equal to....
Touching the fire which might be blazed

Capturing an eye of brightness
....is equal to....
Gaining a sense of sadness

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Sumpah, tulisan ini keluar abis gak ada acara seru di TV! Sucks!

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*Sometime a need to ask needed a privilege*

What is a swinger?

S W I N G E R


I asked few people about it, and these came up.

• Topan: Swing itu kan..... (sambil mengayunkan tangan). Jadi swinger itu pengayun. Atau swinger itu adiknya swike? Atau swinger adiknya hanger?
• Dego: Swinger itu... (sambil menggerakan kedua tangan yang sudah dilipat sejajar dengan bahunya). Apa itu....? Yang sayap ayam KFC itu loh...?
• Lucky: Tanya kak ipan deh... (sambil menunjuk temen yang satu lagi)
• Ivan: Gonta ganti pasangan.
• Tito: Tuker pasangan.
• Dindin: waduuh.. gak bisa bahasa Inggris… Ooo I dunno… Swing kan goyang-goyang.. ayun-ayun... yang digoyang dan yang diayun yang mana dulu nih?? Udah ah jadi ngebayangin!

So, what is swinger?
Today, my mind flashbacked to a sewing machine my mom used to have. I thought that was swinger. But I forgot. That machine’s brand is ‘Singer’ not ‘Swinger’.

• www.kamus.net : pengikut mode remaja yang giat
• www.kamus.web.id : Oops.. The keyword Swinger does not exist in our database. Don't worry! We have recorded it to be added to our database as soon as possible.
• Kamus lengkap Inggris – Indonesia, Prof. Drs. S. Wojowasito – WJS Poerwadarminta:
Swing (vb) 1. mengisap; 2. melambai; 3. mengayun; 4. menggantungkan; 5. membelok
That’ll make swinger.... 1. pengisap; 2. pelambai; 3. pengayun; penggantung; 5. pembelok?

So, again, what is swinger?

I know, you know, she knows, he knows. We just don’t talk about it. :p

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What is Swinger?
A not so necessary stupid question, that brought a second of laughter today.

MY TWILIGHT ZONE

Not knowing the real name

Not knowing the origin

Not knowing the atmosphere of the real self


But it was real


The kind of person I'd like to shake hand with

The kind of person I'd like to have conversation with

The kind of person I'd like to look up to

The kind of person I'd like to hug


But it was on the wrong footstep


Meeting the person who is unreachable

Talking to the one who is very secretive

Letting myself into a big mass of twilight zone


But it was no regret


I enjoyed the talks

I enjoyed the shares

I enjoyed the eyes

I enjoyed the embarrassment

I enjoyed the kisses

I enjoyed the hugs

I enjoyed the twilight zone


The hope


Is to know a bit more

Is to know how to connect

Is to repeat the everlasting night

Is to step out of the twilight zone

The hope is no hope


It was never meant to be a feeling

The feeling is no feeling


---------------------------------


To My Twilight Zone

I do want to.


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*Darn it! I should have taken you to the airport!*